Do you find yourself yelling, bribing, or threatening your kids to get them to listen to you? We’ve all been there at some point. Getting kids to listen can be a challenge – especially when your kids know your weaknesses.
You’re not alone. Many parents are struggling too. If you’ve been wondering how to get kids to listen without yelling, bringing, or threatening – you’re at the right place.
Positive parenting without bribes and threats is possible.
Below, you’ll find a question from a parent who is struggling to parent without bribes.
Then, you’ll find our answer to the question and our recommendations to help you parent without bribes, threats, and yelling.
How To Stop Bribing My Kids
“I feel like I’ve been going back to my old ways (when I was a younger parent) of bribing my young kids into doing things just to get them to comply, or threatening them with consequences.
I know there’s probably a better way to respond to their stubbornness. The latest examples are: coaxing them to cooperate while taking a family photo and not taking turns with their siblings. I’ve been resorting to saying things like, “If you don’t give your sister a turn, you’re not going to get your cartoons tonight.” And, “C’mon, if you smile really nice for the photo, we’ll give you a cookie.”
I have the most issue with my 2 and 4 years old because they are in the “me, me, all me” stage and don’t seem to respond to me talking with them reasonably.
What do you suggest?”
– Rebecca, Mom of 6
How To Stop Parenting With Bribes And Threats
Parents are people and we aren’t perfect.
Bribe on occasion – permission granted!
If we want to get something done quickly, sometimes a bribe needs to be issued.
When stress levels are high (especially during holidays) or you just want your child to do what needs to be done. At that moment all bets are off to just get through it, like getting through the family photos you mentioned. Bribing kids is definitely not something we want to rely on, but as a temporary tactic, there’s no harm.
If you find yourself relying on bribes, that’s a different story. Ask yourself why you have to bribe your kids to get them to comply.
The following questions can help you figure it out.
- Is it because you are tired and overwhelmed?
- Do you find yourself having a low threshold for the fallout (the
tantrums, arguments, yelling?). - Are you just running out of patience?
- Does bribing your kids seem like the only thing that works?
Any and all of these things could be true. If you find yourself feeling tired, overwhelmed, and not being very patient then you need to jump into self-care mode. Once you do that, you’ll be able to take on these issues with a fresh perspective and energy to set boundaries and limits with your kids.
If it seems like bribing your kids is the only thing that works, it might be because you are relying on it and they know it –so they are holding out for the bribe.
It’s also possible they’re simply just trying to exert their own control. If this is the case, you might need to work through the problem behavior until it’s extinct.
If your kids have the tendency to scream, I recommend checking out our tips to learn why kids scream and what parents can do about it.
The truth is that your kids are smart and they know your limits, and patterns when it comes to parenting.
So, how can you change your parental behaviors to get your kids to comply?
Tips To Get Kids To Listen Without Threats And Bribes
Below, you’ll find tips to help you parent your children without threats and bribes. The following positive parenting tips are easy to implement.
- Set your expectations before an event or a task. Take a moment with your kid or toddler before an event to set your expectations on their behaviors. It will help them understand what is expected from them.
- Compliment your child when they do something good. For example, if your kid had the expected behavior in an event or regarding a task, make sure to tell them how proud you are. The idea here is to use positive reinforcement (with words instead of rewards) for positive behaviors.
- Give your child options and choices to get the motivation they need. It empowers them to make their own decisions and they will feel more important. You can also ask them if the choice or option works for them. In other words, get them to say yes!
Final Thoughts On Parenting Without Bribes
We hope our parenting tips will help you find creative ways to get your kids to comply without relying on bribes, threats, or yelling.
Explore efficient parenting strategies in my book Secrets to Parenting.
Need help with your kids? Click the button below to schedule a call. I’ll be happy to help you find solutions.
